It's going to be a long day... Only 15 mins into the work day, my favorite coworker is out and my boss is in a very grumpy mood.

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Ya know, it takes some really amazing skills to insult me within 0.5 seconds of me saying hi to you.

Me: (Walking into your office.) Good morning.

You: Ohh, are you ok? Your eyes look puffy.

Me: (Insulted after being at work for a mere 3 minutes.) Yep, just tired. Sooooo, that thing I asked you for, can I have it?

You: Ooops, I forgot.

Me: (Resisting the urge to say something equally thoughtless and insulting on an early Friday morning.) K. Thanks. Bye.

In retrospect, I should have said I felt like shit and then went home.

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We have shared printers at work. Basically, anyone can send their documents to any printer. Naturally, you would send your print jobs to the printer closest to your desk, right? Not Mr. Creepo.

I am the lucky person who gets a printer at her desk. And even though there are at least two other printers closer to him, Mr. Creepo insists on sending his print jobs to my computer. He says he likes my toner quality. Yeah, that must be it.

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I really hate when give me a stack of papers stabled together, the stable didn't go thru all the way and pokes out of the backside. Thanks a lot! I should force you to pay for my tetanus shot. Tard!

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Ohhh you take your vacation and forgot to update me on changes to a process before you left. Because of that, then I guess it's not getting done even though I can figure it out on my own. It's not my fault you failed at your responsibilities!

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I did absolutely N-O-T-H-I-N-G last week except facebook and shop on ebay.

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Did you really just walk across the entire office to ask me to scan something for you? You realize the scanner is like 30 feet from your desk, and I am at least 500 feet from your desk? Ok, just checking. I guess someone needs a lesson in scanning.

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Why does every office have to have ONE old lady that's obsessed with needlepoint, cross stitch, knitting or crocheting? Why? And of course they HAVE to whip out their divine creations at every coffee and lunch break. Oh and to make it worse they have to show off their marvelous creations. I am sorry, but I can't feign any fucking excitement. This is not a retirement lodge and I don't get thrilled by yarn creations. Nope. I just don't.

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This is an office! Not an africian safari! Leave the elephant stomping where it belongs!

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My job makes me want to vomit!

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