No, really, finish chatting. The two of you have only been prattling on about nothing for the last half hour, this ACTUAL WORK can wait until you've thoroughly discussed your weekend plans, what you're making tonight for dinner, and what you got at target on your lunch break. Important stuff comes first, ya know.

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When I print something, I have to go stand by the printer. Otherwise the one person closest to it will go get it, read it on the way to my desk, and then hand it to me.

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The next time your boss comes up to you to ask your opinion if a certain project is a good idea or not, DON'T ANSWER. Feign ignorance. Give him an unsatisfactory answer. Do anything except sell him on the idea. Why? Because it's a trap and you will end up with the project. Trust me, I speak from experience.

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I can't do it anymore. I can not take another Monday morning meeting. I can not sign another office-circulated card saying goodbye to whats-her-face that I never gave two shits about anyhow. I can not sing Happy fucken Birthday one more time. Seriously, we're how old? And fuck the cake, how about we do shots instead? Gawd. I can not make another impossible deadline. Oh, that stack of papers that is as tall as me - make it disappear by 4pm? Um, sure. I can't do it anymore.

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I went home for lunch and had a "date" with myself. I'm in a much better mood now.

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My boss was working from home today. He wanted me to access his personal folder on the network and thought I could do it via my profile. WRONG. I told him I needed his password now, or he'd have to wait until tomorrow when he was back in the office.

We went back and forth, back and forth. Him insisting that I didn't need it, and me insisting that I did.

Finally he surrendered. I then understood why he put up such a fight: his password was "Big_Dick_L0ver".

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Dear Cubic Hell God,

Please let me get this promotion instead of my competion! I tired of answering the phones. I'm ready to move on to new responsibilities!

Sincerely,
A Loyal Employee!

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Remember those times when you are flat out busy, barely have time to get your basic work done, so you end up having to stay late just to stay on top of things?

OK, this is me (and probably all of you.)

I just love it when I finally get around to sending out information, and little miss "I am too exhausted to take on any more work, because I am just FLAT out busy" strolls along your desk, with the document you JUST sent out like 2 minutes ago, to discuss it with you? Wow - clearly you are just swamped! I don't even have time to GET to e-mails somedays.

Um, yeah. Bite the big weenie. Without relish.

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and by pushing paper, i also mean:

making coffee, cleaning up dishes after meetings, ordering catering, scheduling 5 meetings at once because they all need to happen, un-scheduling 5 meetings at once because nobody's schedule can fit the meeting, pretending to be nice to the old **** who growls at you each time she asks you to do something, pretending to care about everyones children, attending office functions like you actually care, organizing office functions for everyone (when nobody even wants to go), "paying attention" to the 3 hour pointless meetings, scheduling a meeting to schedule a meeting, cleaning the fridge and doing the dishes because nobody else will, photocopying things for managers because they simply don't know how to use the machine, being treated like a measly piss ant because of course you are the a-s-s-i-s-t-a-n-t, etc...

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i always have panic attacks when the 'veterans' that i work with, who have been with the organization for over 25 years, discuss MY role over the next 25 years.

i respond with a nod, and a "oh i see", but really in my head i am freaking out! hell no will i be with this company for 25 years, are you kidding me?!

i feel guilty, but hey, one can only push paper for so long. it is a horrible job! who ENJOYS it????

i see how these women end up, and i know WHY they end up this way - it's the office environment. maybe not all offices, but the ones i've been to and clearly, the ones everyone on this website have been to!

i refuse to have a long term, miserable life like they did - life is too short and it is important to be happy.

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